I find this clip has a very powerful message about communication and conflict situations. I suggest you watch it first with the audio OFF! Now before you run it again with the audio on, let me tell you these two actresses are doing a great job here. Of course there is a catch, but I won't tell you what it is, turn on the sound and hear for yourself.
{BTW, I noticed a lot of readers view this blog through a translating site, so if English is not for your ears, I've added a transcript below for the translating tool, as the text is relevant}
Here's what I see here, when we find ourselves conflicting with others we many times get into a "fight" mode. Think back about arguments and fights you've had over the years. As soon as the disagreement starts we become entrenched in our own corner, defending our needs or wants or point of view with all our might. This is greatly intensified if, coming into the 'discussion', we predict the other side will not react as planned. We are armed and ready and so we are ready to misinterpret any of her reactions as a declaration of war. Now, as soon as we go into "fight" mode we turn off "communication" mode and thus we stop listening to others and start listening only to our inner voice. We hear only those things that can serve as "ammunition" in the next "round". Do you remember this Magritte painting?
Well, can you agree that an argument is not communication, then?
As stated here, the Theory of Constraints requires change and it requires cooperation from others. To get others to cooperate with the change offered communication must be used to get buy in and commitment. You can't argue your way into convincing them that you understand and that you have a valuable offer.
Mother: I have not had it up to here with you young lady
Daughter: Why do you insist on treating me like an adult?
Mother: Because you insist on acting like one. Now you are getting this new phone.
Daughter: But it's so small... I really like it. Why is it always what I want?
Mother: Well do you have any idea how much money this is not going to cost me?
Daughter: I love you
Mother: I know you really mean that
Daughter: You never hated me and you never will
Mother: You are the most grateful little ah....
2 comments:
Intertesting, I was just writing something for a session I've been asked to run in the new year on communication.
A key part of communication which I've seen people get wrong so often (and get wrong myself quite often, though hopefully less now) is that we all assume that everyone has the same view of the world that we do. Infact we all have these little models of the world spinning in our brains which allow us to understand the world. To communicate effectively, in particular when you want to convince someone, you need to understand as much as you can about their model and make your pitch in a way that fits with their model and how they understand the world. I remember reading a quote "You can buy in any language but sell in only one [the buyer's]". In reality it's not just the language in terms of English, Hindi, Hebrew, Spanish, Mandarin or Japanese but also the subset of that language that hooks into the customer's model and draws them in.
Stephen,
I totally agree, and I have posted something about this here - http://tocjourney.blogspot.com/2011/11/seeing-world-through-anothers-eyes.html, hope you saw that post.
What I'm seeing and learning is that to be effective you need to combine the right "what" with the right "how". Just one of them is just not enough.
Orion
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